Go to ....where now?

     A friend of mine has recently been struggling with a question. "If hell wasn't real, would I still love God? Do I just serve Him out of fear? " She brought this up on a recent road trip, and I was quick to fire off a response. "Of course I would. If anything, I would love him more because that would mean that God wasn't vindictive. I wouldn't send people to eternal torture. Why would God?"As the conversation progressed, I realized that I didn't have an easy answer for this question. My friend graciously pointed out that maybe I was projecting my character on to God. Which raised the question, "What do I know about the nature of God?" The answer is simple, but I didn't come by it simply. The answer is that I don't know. That is TERRIFYING.
      To add to my questioning, I have really been stuggling with the importance and validity of the Bible. My head can tell me that it is essential to faith, I can read about those who find it essential to thier faith, and yet I find myself in a struggle against my intellect. The beginning of the Bible was passed down by oral tradition, written, redacted, translated, redacted. I don't believe the stories are historical fact. The answers within it, then, have to found through study and prayer. This was dissapointing. Then I heard of a Native American story teller who began his stories with this, "Now I don't know if this actually happened, but I do know it is the truth." So, I decided that I would seek to find my truths in the Bible.
     I didn't expect a truth to just fall in my lap, but I'm glad that this one did. (Keep in mind that this is MY truth. It speaks to ME, and your own truths may differ. ) I've been attending a weekly Bible Study called "Living the Questions". This week's session was about the creation story. They begin with the 2 accounts of the creation story which can seem contradictory at times. The order of events is not quite right. God seems more candid in one. I may talk more about that later, but that isn't where I found my first truth.There was just a little nugget in there for me though. It was used as a passing phrase by a speaker, but it stuck in my mind. "The story of the fall is the first time that we see man feeling unworthy of God's love. "

Genesis 3    

⁶ When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. ⁷ Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.

⁸ Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. ⁹ But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

¹⁰ He answered, “I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.”

   What struck me about this story was that this...only 3 Chapters in...is the first mention of a FEAR of God. When did that occur? Right after the "original sin". I think that fear of God, and the denial of his loving mercy were PART of that sin. From all accounts prior to this, we get the impression that God and Adam are best friends. They are intimate. They spend every evening together. Even if you had done wrong, would you hide from someone you were that intimate with?
    Did I find the answer to my question about the character of God in the first chapters of the Bible? Well, uh, no. What I did find, was an answer about the character of human beings. Our reaction to our own misgivings is to be afraid of the consequences. Anyone who has spent time online will know that even a dog knows to fear consequences. Check out Dog Shaming. In my fundamentalist backgroud I heard about my own "sin nature". I heard it said, "You don't have to teach a child to lie." Why not? Because, even in our own creation narrative we find fear of consequence.
     There is one command given in the Bible more than any other. In fact, it is listed about 130 times depending on the traslation. That commandment, "Be not afraid." Or some variation of the sort. I don't think it is by coincidence that this is easily the commandment that we all break the most.
    I have found my truth in this story. Even if there isn't a hell (and I'm on the fence most days) there is a reason for Jesus' life and death on the Earth. His life was an example of how to treat each other regardless of social, religous, and political standing. He showed us that we create our fears of inadequacies, and that we project those of the weak and poor of our society. His death shows me God's love for his creation regarless of that. The story says God wants us to believe that we're good enough so much that he sends His own son who becomes one of us and dies as one of us. He says, "I know what it is to be you. I know what it is to fight those feelings, but I want you to know that you are mine."
    I've talked to several people who have walked away from religion. I find that most of them say the same thing. It almost always involves people looking down at them, or feeling of guilt and condemnation, or not being good enough. That makes me so sad. The very thing that needed to rectified from the beginning, the very job that Jesus did, is the reason that some are not comfortable being part of the church. To be honest, I'm not comfortable being part of that church either. That is why I started this blog.